Oh shit, it's the fourth of july!

• front cover: top to bottom
  
  The only way I know how to be sad is to be angry
  25 cents, first edition special
  oh shit, it's the fourth of july
  these birds are dykes!
  dumb birds!
  the only way I know how to be angry is to be sad!
  by: Jo
  we r girlfriends :)
• 
  
  
• page one
  
  small text:
  
  when I was really young I was riding the bus home from school and got the the impulse to stand up and pull down my pants not so anyone would see I was terrified that someone would see but I think partially I did it so that no one would see because I knew that no one would see all throughout my childhood I had a fixation on my genitals and I'm not even sure if that's true or if I think it should be because that's what I'm told should've been the case
  
  big text:
  
  NO PARK IN THIS BLOCK



• page two: top to bottom
  
  only be yourself in the way you know: self (fuck up fuck up fuck up fuck up) destruct
  
  fire!!! you all deserve to burn in hell. are these feathers flammable? you're a flaming homo.
  
  I self destruct and still fail. I'm not even good at fucking up. self destruct like the vicious hungry flame that devours the fading patience of the -- I fucked up --wick



• page three
  
  big text:
  
  do you ever shut up?
  
  small text:
  
  maybe if you were closer to. . .your mother you. . .wouldn't have grown up as a dirty fucking dyke!
  
  me: marimacha!
  
  papa: no



• page four


I want (more of you)
(oh no!) I want to eat your dog to cut you off from everything that ties you into this world


• page five


I think in another life I was something more powerful and cohesive and I made more sense in another life I was a sexy housewife complacent and obedient I cook and clean and blow my husband and he cheats on me and I murder him because he's gay


• page six: top to bottom
  
  wouldn't it be crazy if our nipples were hot pink??? (nonononononononononono) my tits r down there
  
  stop looking at me stop
  are your nips sensitive
  it's not illegal to be topless in nyc--good news for the lone bottoms
  
  boobs can be great, i promise
  
  upside down:
  
  I don't like it when you ask why my chest is flat and point out when you see my fucking tits don't look at me don't look at me don't fucking look at me or I'll rip your eyes out I swear



• page seven: top to bottom
  
  the bulbs flicker to the heart beat of a person we never meet (we sit next to each other) they're gone forever and we'll never know who they were
  
  self destruct self destruct self destruct(what do I do when I'm mad at the world?) (self destruct self destruct self destruct) self destrct self destruct



• page eight
  
  what do you miss? answer here:
  wednesday: my family being together without me knowing my parents flaws and playing dnd with my friends when we were young
  
  jo: a friend I made first semester and disppeared to portland. my brother on long island. pretty sad that they're both men. haha.



• page nine
  
  I want to be a bird



• page ten: top to bottom
  
  too much hair on my legs, jo's are perfect though
  
  these are some words that jo had to help me spell which says a lot about this zine
  
  weird, supposedly, feminine, apparently
  
  paraphrased from nevada by imogen binnie: I'm too much of a feminist to shave my legs but too afraid to let people see
  
  sideways: why am I expected to conform to every single measure of united states femininity



• page eleven: top to bottom
  
  if I manage to give birth can I
  ahhhhhh
  want the best for your baby?



• page twelve: top to bottom
  
  slit this bulls throat
  
  it can be hard for a person to not wish harm upon themself when people look at them with such disgust and disdain
  
  hola?
  
  and it is even hard to write this in the first person as it is hard to admit to one self



• page thirteen: clockwise
  
  I want to fuck a girl raw and feel heavenly clean purified I want her to yell my name and scratch my back and feel like the gates of heaven have been between her legs I woke up in the garden of eden the garden of eternal life I cry during sex if it feels like you can finally see how dirty I am (anti starlet)



• page fourteen
  
  these are both me



• page fifteen: clockwise
  
  dumb male lesbian
  
  it is weird trying to rationalize being a trans lesbian even though it supposedly shouldnt be because when I was a boy I rationalized being a boy by being a boy that liked other boys
  
  often times its harder to rationalize being a masculine woman because if thats what I was gonna do why didnt I just stay a man
  
  upside down:
  
  I felt feminine as a boy and masculine as a girl so shouldnt that make me neither or both or something but no apparently Im a girl because I feel like one



• page sixteen
  
  I was a c-section



• page seventeen: clockwise
  
  I love being a dyke in public with uuuuu
  
  Q: what's your favorite way? Victoria heart Dolly
  
  this is jo im sorry i want to stand in the rain
  
  I loved during that first week when we would sit under that tree at washington square and talk for hours I dont know how we never saw each other before
  
  list: mcr, rat hands, red jump suits, keith haring, first reformed, mitski, cowboys, diet coke, peach rings



• page eighteen: clockwise
  
  good girl!
  how literal
  
  mullet
  this is my drawing of you
  
  when we kiss its two girls kissing but not really if i use they/them pronouns I feel gui--
  
  corporate pride makes me sick its so fucking hahahahahahahahaha
  
  its funny when I met you you were wearing a big yellow scarf
  
  it was cold by the fountain in washington square
  
  whoever made this page is gay and annoying
  
  youre my cherry bomb
  
  I made you sick
  with the common cold or with all my love



• page nineteen
  
  the smell of cigarettes makes me run and I will scream at the sound of slured words



• page twenty
  
  sideways: hurt it hurts you hurts I hurt you hurthurthurthurt
  
  if a bird has a child does that child have any chance of becoming a different kind of bird if that bird pushes its child out of the nest does that child have any chance of not doing that



• page twenty one
  
  What are you scared of? Answer here:
  
  wednesday: someone slitting my throat but getting stuck on my adam's apple also everyone leaving me and the dark
  
  jo: drowning in student debt. my friends not having a future because we're losing the earth. thunder.



• page twenty two
  
  nooooooo
  
  please dont touch me please dont touch me please dont touch me please dont touch me
  
  chasers are weird
  
  I like ur kind of girl



• page twenty three: clockwise
  
  you dirty dyke sucia marimacha
  you fucking whore
  
  less jalepeno peppers or none, no mushrooms
  
  you--girls!
  
  can I call you mommmy in bed
  
  "Bartender, who's that attractive man at the end of the bar?"
  
  leave me mother's milk
  
  they just naturally go together, crackers and cheese, pancakes and vermont maid syrup, lesbianism and mommy issues



• page twenty four
  
  I kiss with my tongue cut out and
  you touch me so tenderly
  my babygirl
  
  hung to dry!!
  
  uncross your legs lead me between your precious(SHUT UP)(is it creepy it is gross)(you are so--)thighs you are home and I fucking chew you up like an orange rind--spit you out!



• page twenty five
  
  your mom!!
  
  fuckgofuckyourselfgofuckyourselfgofuckyou
  
  selfish, you have no trauma, what the fuck makes you think(nothing nothing nothing)you deserve anything



• page twenty six
  
  this is from a book about raising a son my mom had



• page twenty seven
  
  words written in red mean more so let me tell you what I want (to bite your head off) and (drag my keys across your cheek until your face is fu--)and I want to eat you (out) to hold unt- hips (until break) until you leave me alone



• page twenty eight
  
  blank



• page twenty nine
  
  I am so stupid and depressed but that doesn't make me any special
  
  Why do I exist? (Jo?)
  
  I get drunk but no one notices until they smell my breath and I throw up in a trader joes bag



• page thirty
  
  our mother is watching you
  
  sideways: they said the only good cop was a dead one. . .
  
  they clipped my wings at birth so I could die when I was only a kid and now I have these sweet dead angel wings



• back cover
  
  blank